Food is my bestfriend
I despise bios.
I despise bios.
people who have the same name as me are competition
(via glasspudding)
my school’s “rival school” is on lockdown right now bc someone put weed in the vents so everyones slowly getting high oh my godd
that’s not how weed works
(via jillybear)
homework on the weekends is legal but gay marriage isn’t what is wrong with society
(via jillybear)
when the cannibal showed up late to dinner, they gave him the cold shoulder
(via onthepenisniam)
You’re not famous if you sleep with band members
yeah but you are if you sleep with the president’s daughter
(via onthepenisniam)
uhh so the baby’s been on the changing table for three hours now but it still hasn’t transformed into anything? i’d like my money back please
(via onthepenisniam)
im pretty sure by now “tired” is just part of my personality description
(via onthepenisniam)
If you say “old sport” three times in front of your mirror Gatsby will appear and awkwardly hit on your wife
(via oli-twist)
When I have the sex talk with my kids I’m just going to tell them to follow the basic rule
“If your age is on the clock, you’re too young for the cock”
yeah, and when my kid turns thirteen imma go,
“Sit back down, I was talking about military time.”
(Source: laucontent, via memewhore)
my mom always texts me rude things so ive just started replying with an emoji of an eggplant and it gets her so pissed it’s great
(via memewhore)
